Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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