it hurts more in the daytime
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
