Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
