its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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