I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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