we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
