if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
