In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The feeling are messing with the penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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