Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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