Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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