Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
