The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
