Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
