Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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