I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
