good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
