He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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