I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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