I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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