I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
