btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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