i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
