He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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