Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
