Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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