Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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