I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
