In the future we'll all be gay
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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