I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
