i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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