No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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