I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
