i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
