you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
