He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
