He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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