party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
