Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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