I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
