so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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