Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
