whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
