cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My cat gives me a boner
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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