nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
