im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
