my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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