You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
