I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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