i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
