I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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