The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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