Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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