Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
