Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
