took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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