i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
