to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
