he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
